Dining Desperado-The Good, The Bad and the YUMMY

Conquering the country one bite at a time. There are no foods I actually dislike, just foods I prefer. Bread, nuts, cheese, and dessert, are on the supremely awesome list.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Visionaire and Soho Galleries








Okay, at this point you are thinking. a) I have a stomach of steel b) I eat polar bears c) I have no money and I have resorted to digging in trash bins....

But no, I digress from food for a bit to talk about my Soho Gallery adventure (there is some eating involved I promise).

Okay, so the polar bear needs explaination. Unfortunately, I can't provide it. I can only confuse you more by saying that there was a bin next to the bear with combs in it...and I combed the polar bear...and it was actually pretty satisfying. I don't know why the bear has his head in a box, and I don't know why I felt so compelled to groom him, but it was awesome. I would have tried to put him in my purse if there wasn't a 146.9% chance he wouldn't fit.

As for the trashcans. This was the very spot that the movie...i'm just making this up. There is absolutely no importance attached except that they are on Broome St. Which is a good street to be on if you like to eat good food (Balthazar=close vicinity, rest easy tummy).

The exhibit at the bottom is a gallery that makes edible scents...okay...intriguing. The people there inform us their product is like those listorine sheets you dissolve in your mouth. hmm. Of course I'll try some!! The first....entitled orgasm...is described as chocolate truffles...HELL YES...and the taste...something NOT right about chocolate film strips!! But I keep going ...maybe the flavor art is more my style as I pop it in...BAD TASTE...the description...adhesive! Wait, that is for sure NOT a food group. What are these?...strips of treachery?!?! :( But I eat about 3 more before I'm fully convinced that they taste really really bad. I promptly proceed to Dean and Deluca's to clense my palate with multiple samples of raisin nut bread. If you want to face the devil stripes go for it. Tell me how you handle Life (tastes like the earth's soil) 11 Mercer St or check it out from a distance at www.visionaireworld.com...


McDonalds

Maybe I'll just go into this cute little resta-wait.......
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! You don't fool me! You can't hide behind your forbidden city front McDonald's Dynasty from McHell. I will not eat your greasy and untastey morsels in the mist of authentic spring rolls and a plethera of peking duck that is so fresh and choice. And no, no, NO I did not eat there. The only reason I would go to McDonald's is to use the ATM, only 99 Cent sur charge, I know, sweet right?

The Tai Pan Bakery


I've been to the Tai Pan Bakery several times. Mostly because it has a huge sign, and it is on Canal street and so you really don't have a choice. I like it because it has a seating area, and because the buns in the back aren't being suffocated by plastic wrap. Instead they just fluff up and pile on top of each other and smile at you. I have had the bean curd bun and the cream. They are both delicous, but I like the sweet cream better than the savory bean. This little guy is a "danish cream pastry". It is basically a thick croissant with cream in the middle. This plasce also makes yum yum yummy chai with milk and sugar. The Chinese know the proper amount of cream to put in and on pastries, whereas Americans do not. Americans are like "oh you like cream?? Well here's enough to make you not want to eat it ever again in your entire life. And you eat a cream donut and you can't remember why you ever liked cream in the first place. BLAHAHAH. But the moral of the story is Chinese pastries are nice.

Lung Moon Bakery



You are looking at my new favorite food. It is made out of carrots, beans, strawberries and soy. It counts for 1 weightwatchers point and exists in all of the food pyramid categories simultaneously. It defies gravity. It is none other than a cake roll from the Lung Moon Bakery. And while all of the above may be false it is unsurpassed in deliciousness! It's actually a delicate white cake with a thin cream frosting and a peanut armor. It also comes in an almond version which is quite possibly more delicous. One bite and your eyes will pop and the heavens will open and you will be infinitely happier than you were one minute ago. You will wonder why this holy roll costs .60 cents. And then you will wonder if the people that make these are somehow related to the Dosa man in magical food producing abilities.